Confess your sins

[J.Tramiel]

2. Caused a diplomatic incident in Germany

6. Caused major diplomatic incident in Bosnia, 1995... which made the news worldwide :-)

You gotta explain these 2 (or were they made up?)

[NewDeli]

Considering how anxiogenous can be politics in these times of tears and turmoil, I think it's better to avoid the subject, especially on a retro-gaming board.

[Galahad/FLT]

Originally Posted by frost242

When I was a teenager, I had an Atari ST ....

Get the fuck off the internet now! Never ever darken this forum again with your FILTHY comments, you heathen scumbag*

*It should be noted that Galahad also owned an Atari ST and might be best not making too much of this.

[TCD]

Originally Posted by Galahad/FLT

Get the fuck off the internet now! Never ever darken this forum again with your FILTHY comments, you heathen scumbag*

*It should be noted that Galahad also owned an Atari ST and might be best not making too much of this.

In Nelsons voice : Ha Ha
Well I had two Ataris : The 2600 and a Jaguar, but no ST At least you and frost242 didn't turn to the 'dark side' and are here so we all can help you with your problem...

Originally Posted by alewis

5. Dropped (decked) Dominic Diamond at the EMAP computer show, Earls Court, after he pissed me off at the exhibitors party. That was satisfying.

RESPECT
I just wanted to deck the t*** but never got the chance, im glad someone did it.

[NewDeli]

Originally Posted by jharrison

i once downloaded a kickrom from classic amiga. am i going to jail now?

Technically, if you don't use the rom you downloaded you didn't do anything wrong.
This said, whether using roms from a 20+ year old system is illegal or not can be debated. I think the publicity of using an emulated AmigaOS in the 2000s compensate things a bit, but it's just my 2 cent.

[BippyM]

Well It's been 2 days now and still no courier :/

Guess I'm ringing them again.. Bloody idiots!

[AmigaFriend]

Originally Posted by bippym

Well It's been 2 days now and still no courier :/

Guess I'm ringing them again.. Bloody idiots!

Amazing!

Bippy, it must be Santa for sure.

[BippyM]

I rang them and they said with it being xmas they are a little snowed under (and they excused the pun hahaha). They're gonna ring me after xmas :/

[alewis]

Originally Posted by J.Tramiel

You gotta explain these 2 (or were they made up?)

I wish! There again, both were an "experience". Gimme a while to make it resemble an interesting read, rather than a very long and boring shopping list...

[alewis]

After the success of the Future Publishing show at Earls Court Show, EMAP put on one at NEC, thinking to cash in; at E.C. it made the national news when the Fire Brigade refused entry after tens of thousands of people attended, and the queues were a mile long. Thats at a difficult to reach location with no parking. As the NEC offers easy access via train and has huge parking, so the thinking was that it would be well attended.

And both Sony and Nintendo would be in attendance. But there was a string attached; all traders had to buy Sega/Nintendo games from Sega / Nintendo, at the NEC on Thursday prior to opening. Oh, and the per-foot stand space was expensive, too.

Friday was a washout. I wasn't there, I was making my up by train to join Nick H on the 16/32 stand, and entertaining other passengers on the Underground after extinguishing the cigarette of the "gentleman" opposite me (I had to explain that to BTP after the gentleman complained that I defended myself when he protested). Finally hits Brumland about 1am, tired, annoyed, hungry, gagging for a pint, only to find I'm kipping on the floor (no hardship), there's no scran (hmmm) and the bar is closed (BARSTARDS!) And we are up at about 5...

Saturday saw hordes of kids asking how much for some console game or other.
"Special show price, £40".
"Thats a rip-off! Its only £20 round the corner"
"well feck off round the corner and buy it"

Now I'm slaving over a hot Amiga or three (and an ST or two... spit) copying hundred of PD orders, not hard work but hard on the back, getting disks, inserting, ejecting, replacing, all whilst stood up with back bent. Sounds easy... until you do it for 9 hours! I'm also getting a little narked with one of the others (no names, no pack drill). I go for a fag break, and check out what I have heard. Yep, the little oiks were right. Sega and Nintendo, after selling stock to traders at £30-£35/game, were selling to the public at £20-£25...

And the attendance was crap. 26 companies went bust. But on the bright side, opposite the 16/32 stand is Imports 2000, a BA air steward bringing in the latest state-side board games, able assisted by his wife, who works for Virgin and two of her fellow stewardesses... kerching kerching herching. Have to give a bit of chat, and start to get on famously with one

End of show, Nick looks glum. He's making a loss. Other than the PD, nothing is really selling. He might not be able to pay us. Now I wasn't doing for the money - £25 for a days help was a gesture, he was a mate and I was doing it as a mate. But I'm thinking, heck, its 50 beer tokens, for doing hundreds of quids worth of PD disks at a cost of 10p a disk (if that).

So Sat night we go to the Exhibitors party. EMAP put a grand behind the bar. Fatal fecking mistake :-) I got me squaddie drinking head on, and pinch the table nearest the serving door (waitress service until the tab is gone). There are four of us at the table. Go to bar, give table number, order 4 drinks. Get Andy to do same. Ditto Tom. Ditto Nick. And being civvies, they can't keep up But no air stewardess And I'm now more than a little narked with one of the others...

All too soon, the tab is gone Hand in pocket time. Still not eaten, still dog-tired, and now 40% of my body mass is alcohol. Still no air stewardess, either. So Mr D gets onto the podium, and announces "Well, we sure showed Future how to put on a show, didn't we"

Silence. Naja. The sound of sweet FA. I wanders to the bar, bored, tired, pissed, and pissed off. I'm trying to get to me beer, and "excuse me" isnt working too well. Maybe its cos I'm only 4 foot fuck all tall. So the elbows come out. Thats better. Beer. Sluurpp... ahhhh. Oh what the goodness now...
"Make way for Mr Diamond, make way for Mr Diamond" as his entourage tries to clear a path to the bar.
Oh FFS! Cant I have a pint in peace? "No, bugger off!" And turn back to the bar.
I didnt know whose hand was on my shoulder, nor did I care for the "out of my way, you peasant" comment that came with it. But I really didnt take kindly to being pulled away from my beer...

There was quite a cheer from the other exhibitors as he went down. And then I didn't have to buy a pint again for the rest of the night. Which wasn't as good as it could have been.. Imports 2000 turned up after an hour, we go to a night club. If Bobby Brown's is still in existence, I'd love to firebomb it. Miss Air Stewardess is getting *very* friendly and very familiar with parts of my body, and I had no objections to what she wanted to do later. Everyone else goes in, we go in, and a hand on my chest says "sorry mate, not tonight". Why not??? I'm with a group, I have an extremely tasty bird with me. Why, you four-eyed-self-important-rather large-person-with-a-few-other-bouncers.... cos I'm small and got short hair... BARSTARDS!

Ah well. Didnt think owt more of it... until its all over several conferences on CIX... I'm refered to as DDD... and then, in 1995 or 96, its referenced on TV, when the editor of one of the Amiga mags (Paragon Publishing, Gary someone?) goes onto Diamonds show. DD takes the piss out of his Star Trek hobby, so Gary(?) threatens to set me on him. DD claims ignorance, but the studio crew are pissing themselves because they all know about it. I dunno, I didn't see it... I was in Bosnia on the verge of causing a diplomatic incident at the time...

Originally Posted by MrFluffy

RESPECT
I just wanted to deck the t*** but never got the chance, im glad someone did it.

TBH, I enjoyed the show, esp the stewardess. Just regret never getting into Bobby Browns.

[alewis]

Diplomatic incidents.... hmmm

There we are in the heartland of Germany, on a training course, at a lovely holiday resort called...

A former Nazi Olympics training camp, owned (I believe) by the Belgium part of NATO, and used by most Forces.

Accommodation is typical Army, large stone barracks blocks, 6-8 man rooms, shared cookhouse. Typically each unit was accommodated on a floor or wing, depending on numbers, or in one of the longer single-storey dormitories.

Our course had its own floor, but was sharing a wing. Now, those of you familiar with the Forces know that when you enlist, Basic Training both mentally and physically demanding to weed out the non-hackers. No, not those who can't pwn a root, those who are not up to being shouted at. It doesn't last for ever, and as long as you can keep smiling (after all, they can fuck you but they cant make you pregnant), its not impossible.

And you go through it all over again for 4 weeks to be promoted.

In the main, its just pressure - early starts and late finishes, lots of physical activity to exhaust you. Then the constant room and kit inspections, parades, being drilled to bits, beastings, and being shouted at. And if you are not up to scratch, more shouting, drilling and beastings.

So there we are, in our secluded little wing, being fecked about from arschehole to elbow. We have nothing to do with the other units, and dont really want to.

One morning, Troop Commander is doing an inspection. Enters the toilets... there is a hush, then a strangled scream... someone has left a water-borne bar-mine in the bog. I think Troopies real problem wasn't the fact there was a turd in the bog, but rather it didn't salute him.

That evening, we get briefed that should individuals from outside our unit enter our lines, we are to capture them. if not, then we have been infiltrated, bug-out, and spend the night under bashas outside.

40 young, fit, eager to impress soldiers. All on a no-questions type training course, where the instructors are God.

Late that night, commotion in the corridor. A slop-jock from another unit has been caught in our bogs, and is pretty resistant to the idea of being taken prisoner. I wander out, and his arm ends up round my neck. "Hey ho, right, well I was going *that* way, so if you don't let go you're coming with me". He was a bit drunk, and probably didn't hear me. But he didnt let go so *that* way he went.

Gets him in the lecture room, puts a swan neck on him, and ties his hands behind his back. Tying his neck to his ankles was probably over-doing it, but if you're gonna do a job, do it properly I say. Putting a bag over his head was going too far...

After a while we gets bored, so lets him go. Off he staggers, making threats about what really goes in the beans and how we will find out at scoff next morning.

So Sunday we wander down like good little woodentops. He takes a tray off perfectly good eggs away, and brings back a tray of cold, rubbery fried eggs with smashed yolks. He also brings a container of baked beans, with white stringy stuff in it...

When we finished, he yelled out an obvious comment about what he had, um, deposited, in the beans. We took it in good humour. We're never given enough time to eat anyway, and thought nothing of it.

We didn't, but his AO (officer) did.

the next thing we know the Monkeys (Military Police) are interviewing us. Apparently, the sloppo was fine with being "captured", but the bag over his head had very slightly irritated him. Everyone is interviewed, but the monkeys are seemingly avoiding interviewing me and three others.

Finally, they get round to lil' old me. I have a baaaad feeling about this. Its too formal, and why is there no other observer present. Why have I not been informed of my rights, nor what this is about?

"blah blah, everything you say will be taken down and used in evidence against you"

Hmmm, thats a caution..

"What do you have to say about the events of the night of the whatever?"
"Please dont kick me in the bollocks again, I'll tell you everything"
"Pardon?"
"You said everything I say..."
So he writes it down. At end, we both sign each page as a true and accurate record, etc etc.

At end, I have "confessed" my part, and the background to it. At which point a monkey officer walks in, and informs me that putting a bag over a prisoners head constitutes an interrogation, which is illegal under military law, civilian law, and something about European Human Rights, unless a member of the Joint Services Interrogation Team and a trained psychologist are present. As a matter of course, I will put on OCs orders, then CO's orders, Court marshalled, then hauled up in front of some European Court.

Bugger. I know where I am, and I don't have a paddle.

but I do have an idea. I want an AIDS test. The cook claimed, in front of dozens of witnesses, what he did to the beans...

And I press, and press. It turns out that about upwards of 1000 people will require STD testing; all the soldiers present, wives, girlfriends, "casual acquaintances". And many of these are not UK nationals; boxheads, frogs, canucks.

The Germans lodge a complaint... not thru NATO, but through the Foreign Office.

Ooops. Big oooops.

What I didn't know, was the the monkeys knew the brown stuff we were in, and were trying to excavate us without us knowing. No notice of our rights under interview, a foreshortened caution. And best still, when, many months later it finally went to "court" (OCs Orders), they presented *typed* statements. Unsigned typed statements. Unsigned typed statements and no hand-written originals!

Result! Punishment? Admonished! Ok, so 4 of use were booted off the course and had to do it again a year later, from scratch. But 10/10 to the RMP for once acting like human beings!

It didn't quite end there though. The cook and master chef *were* charged. The role of the MS is to inspect the food prior to being put on the servig counters to ensure it is satisfactory.... he "ok'd" smashed eggs and "infected" beans. He screwed up. The sloppo had already admitted what he did, but confessed that the white substance was egg-white.

Result? To settle the complaint the two cooks were court-marshaled. As I understand it, the admittance and punishment were enough to satisfy the complaints.

Still awake? Well, I'll leave the other to another day. Slightly less fun, somewhat more "exciting" to those of us on the ground.

[daznic]

Here are some memories of some of the things I am ashamed that I did all those years ago !!

Most are related to the days of my first C64

Many department stores had C64`s on display, set up and demonstrating games, one time me and my pal went around the stores and loaded an obscene demo of an ape masturbating, for all the customers to see !

Taking various "backup" devices into these stores and asking for a "demo" of the latest game, then ripping it onto blank tape !

Swapping the labels off £1.99 mastertronic games, onto the latest Ocean hit !

Getting very friendly with the least attractive girl in the class, just to get into her....... brothers C64 collection !

Arranging a gaming night with my cousin so I could "borrow" his SID chip for a week.

Some more memories, but not so wicked.......

We were convinced that my Cassette tape unit was possessed and would only load copied games if you performed a ritual of leaving the room and staying very quiet in the hall with our eyes shut until we heared the game music !

I remember on many occasions getting told off by my mum for having the ocean loader music on full blast through my HiFi whilst my dad was in bed after working night shift.

Such fond memories, but now more than 20 years later, one thing has not changed - spending more time messing with the hardware and collecting games than actually playing them !!!

[TCD]

Hi daznic,

there's already a thread about these 'activities' here : Confess your sins (Some GM will merge them soon I guess )
I really like the 'Ape' part of your story

[Graham Humphrey]

Threads merged

[StingRay]

Originally Posted by daznic

loaded an obscene demo of an ape masturbating

Let me guess, it was this classic from 1983 =)

[s2325]

I'm not sure if it's ape...

[TCD]

Originally Posted by StingRay

Let me guess, it was this classic from 1983 =)

What a decent group name Looks funny, must have a look later

[AmigaFriend]

Originally Posted by TheCyberDruid

What a decent group name

Yes very on the demo's topic.

[daznic]

Yes, that`s the one !
Guess it wasn`t an ape was it, fuzzy memories !
must have caused quite a stir when it was showing in all those
department stores in Chester one day in the 80`s !