Look, I know I had too much to drink at the EAB Christmas party and danced the conga naked on the tables, but you can't hold that against me forever surely. I can change, just give me a chance.
Anywho, I got myself a new joypad today so this mapping stuff won't be necessary. I was quite surprised at the price actually - it was £19.99 from Dixons (who aren't known for good prices) and it's cordless and rumbles like some of the console pads. Some of the other ones with those features are double the price.