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Old 29 May 2016, 19:47   #1
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Exotic Men - a legendary Amiga group

Here's an interesting piece of text originally written probably during the second half of the 1990s. It's about a notorious Amiga group, Exotic Men. They did not release any significant products but were famous for other reasons. Could it be that the Spirit of Amiga makes some people simply go nuts?

The History of Exotic Men

Devil founded the group in the Autumn 1989. The stupid name popped up originally in a brain of Dr.Gassu/Elysion. After some pondering the name was actually seen to fit rather well for the group. One has to take in account that during those days also other groups had a sort of bragging macho names.

In the summer of 1990 eD visited a party organized by Byterapers in Iisalmi. "Seeing Bloodsuckers live opened my eyes", eD described what he had seen. It was a kind of shock for eD to see computer guys being totally pissed. "I could not have imagined that somebody could be drunk at a computer party." This occasion had an effect which trembled the history of the world - hardly the entire image of Exotic Men had ever been born without Bloodsuckers.

In the Christmas of 1990 Savage organized a party in Lieksa. This time Exotic Men already knew how to appropriately prepare themselves to parties, that is: to bring booze to a party place and then pour it into their heads. During those days Matteus had still some nerdy traits and used a handle Sauron/Trinomic. He had been informed on the phone that Slayer/Scoopex is a kind of scary and rudely behaving dude. However, the fears of Matteus and his lamer friends were unfounded since Slayer didn't show up. Big boys offered some booze for Matteus for the first time but he did not take boozing as his habit until much later. eD and Devil got familiar with Coltrain who was then still lamering around in a group called Profex.

At that party Skunk (from Exotic Men) took the full points by drinking himself to a non-conscious state, by vomiting around the party place and by making a sole security guy (Zedy/Savage's father) to boil of anger. The whole gang of Exotic Men was almost thrown out from the party and there was also considerations about cutting one day off from party's schedule due to Skunk's erratic behavior. The mission of Exotic Men had begun.

In the summer of 1991 'Society' organized a party in Kajaani. This time organizers were suspicious about the behavior of Exotic Men right from the start. Booze was taken away from their backpacks right after the heroes had been spotted at the party place. Luckily enough some booze that eD had hidden was saved from the confiscation and thus things started getting loose again. At that party also Death had joined the gang for the first time and he indeed made other party-goers to grow quite a many gray hairs. Coltrain was not yet a member at that time but he grasped the idea rather fast and did the best he could in bitching to party attendees. Exotic Men were extremely annoyed since they were not offered any kind of room at the party place despite of some promises that had been given in advance. After some piggy behavior and a rapid exit from the party area some squeaky comments followed especially from Radical/Society who was one who had to clean up the mess.

In the late summer of 1991 Byterapers organized Gathering '95 party in Parikkala. This time the party was saved by a new member of Exotic Men, Delsion, who arrived to the party totally wasted and stoned. He lost his kilju canister to a neighbour's yard and painted a rather large sized Exotic Men graffiti with SCH/Bloodsucker on the walls of a bank building and a gas station at the town center. Party's main organizers, Grendel and Merit, were quite mad about that. Also the first arrest of Exotic Men happened during that party when the police came to take Delsion away to some safer place. Delsion also stole a disk containing names, addresses and social security numbers of party attendees from Merit's computer .

The first Assembly party was held in the summer 1992. It was also the only Assembly party from which Exotic Men were not banned. In turn, it was the only Assembly party at which Exotic Men paid themselves in. From this party Death and eD were taken off for some "cooling" already after few minutes due to thirst quenchers taken while queuing in. Death performed a legendary mooning to Midnightsun guys, getting lots of attention also from other groups. Nugget/Rebels, one of the security guys, got several nervous breakdowns mostly because of Death who got at least a dozen bans to the party always ignoring them. When Death marched in, Nugget carried him outside, and then Death climbed in through a window and Nugget threw him out again. This sort of rhumba went on through the first day of the party. As a result of a drinking contest between Death and eD, Death blew Grendel/Byteraper's, who was keeping the guard at gates, alcometer to max, breaking the gadget. The eventual deportation of the group happened due to an unknown reason. According to rumors, Grendel started to fear that all the places will get devastated if Exotic Men continues to be drunk, but this has not been confirmed to this day. Meegosh's father, who was one of the security persons, ranted to the whole rumbling group through the weekend. In any case, during Saturday evening Exotic Men's car was forcibly transfered out of the party area and this made them to burn their fuses. As an act of impulse, Delsion smashed his long-served Amiga 500 to asphalt in the front of a cheering crowd. Nugget thought that a devastated machine was one stolen from him and he called the police. When policemen arrived other members ran away to a nearby woods and a drunken eD was there alone trying to explain to the police what was going on. When policemen investigated the party car, they found among the other stuff 20 empty Koskenkorva bottles which all had labels with a text: "Exotic Men quality moonshine".

In December 1992 Analogy organized Hi-Tech party in Rauma. Coltrain, Death and eD were present, crawling around the party place while being totally wasted. The organisers realized rather soon that it had been an error to allow boozing inside and many entry bans followed. Coltrain was really annoyed with Meegosh due to events of the previous Assembly party and tried to push Meegosh down from the roof of a school which served as a party place. Frightened organisers called the police to tame Coltrain and policemen took eD, who was staggering drunken at party place's yard, to a drunk tank.

On the following day Exotic Men took a sovereign victory on intro compo since they had falsified few hundred voting tickets. As a friendly act, E-men also made voting tickets for Damones, but due to a calculation error Damones got more votes on music compo than what was the number of party attendees and thus they were disqualified. After winning thousand marks on the compo, Exotic Men left the party place and went towards new struggles.

On the new year's eve of 1992 Diffusion set up a miniparty in Nurmo. Again Exotic Men had to arrive to ruin the joy of others. Immediately after Diffusion had realized who are making noise in the yard, lights of a school building were shut down and doors were locked. For a long time Exotic Men tried to get in without success. They were only responded with shouts: "We'll soon call the police, go away!". After banging the doors for some time, Coltrain and eD finally got inside. At the "party" of 30 people these partiers who boozed and pissed to corners awoke feelings of detestation. But nobody dared to say anything about that. eD won graphics compo (which had like five competitors) and got a box of candies for a prize.

The second Assembly party was held in the summer of 1993. This was the first time Exotic Men had a real striking force with them. This included a double act Hammer and Bukefalos who came adventuring with the others. The party started already two days ahead the actual Assembly event, when the group made a visit to Dalmak/Stellar's home, causing the police to come after them and getting their car wanted.

After arriving to the actual party place the first accomplishment was the copying of entry tickets in a nearby printing service company. Then one of them, Judge, offered these on a lowered price for every passer-by. After Hammer had drunk a liter of rectified spirit, iron chains started to swing and the motorcycle of Zephyr/Shining got some cosmetic damages. Industrial guards who arrived to the scene had to work their butts off while trying to thwart Hammer. Next evening Hammer beat Hexi/Damonis up, getting himself jailed again and sending Hexi to hospital. Meanwhile the case of falsified tickets came to the daylight after some lamers snitched about it and the police took Judge and Coltrain in jail. On a way to the jail in a police car Coltrain noticed that he was carrying a stolen or falsified ID card which was then hided to Judge's large shoe. This falsifying case meant that Exotic Men's troupe had to go to several police hearings during the autumn.

In the winter of 1994 Matteus had joined Exotic Men and noticed that he was alone in Lahti at the party organized by Black Jack. Security guys were really scared after hearing about the coming of the famous party gang, but it was incredibly hard for just one guy weighing less than 60 kilos to create a true mayhem. Thus Matteus just boozed and displayed his arse for every passer-by. This was immortalized also for the forthcoming generations in a form of a slideshow.

The third Assembly party was held in Helsinki in the summer of 1994. This time all the current members of Exotic Men were present: Coltrain, Death, Delsion, Hammer, Bukefalos, Matteus and eD. The whole gang had already a ban to the party and Exotic Men had a hearty fanbase. Right in the start Pehu took eD and Coltrain for a talk about the previous Assembly and disturbances which happened there. In Pehu's opinion 95 % of troubles during the previous Assembly was caused by Exotic Men, Damones having a pitiful 5 % share. A day before the party Hammer and Bukefalos broke in to some boat and drove it to the beach of Hietalahti and boosted sufficient amount of booze for the party days from some beach pub. Matteus ignited woods of a nearby park into fire, causing a fire brigade to arrive to the spot. Matteus decided to fade out from the scene since if somebody had told to party organizers that the characteristics of a heckler were a green hair and a skirt, Pehu would have summed one plus one. Notably, Matteus also gave a shit-eating performance in the front of a main entrance. The victory in soccer contest was achieved for instance by kicking the members of Stellar on the field instead of a ball. Death managed to slip in through a pretty annoyed security persons, then wiped his ass to a flag of Sonic PC and started to assemble himself a PC by stealing everything he could from any PC that he saw.

Byterapers and some PC-gang organized Juhla party in Iisalmi in the summer of 1995. Matteus arrived without any money after hitchhiking in the rain. eD was thrown out from the party in few hours without any particular reason, just for being too drunk. Matteus was allowed to cause fuzz freely since PC organizers didn't know he was in Exotic Men. Initially Matteus came in making hellish noise and without paying anything. Inside he found a VIP badge of some sleeping lamer and it allowed him to mess around freely. For few times eD and Matteus performed a gay show that received quite a much attention. After Exotic Men were thrown out, some lamers paid Matteus 50 marks for running naked outside the party place and scaring a group of women. Matteus and eD also made a collective streak during a soccer contest in order to confuse an opponent team. On the Sunday morning penniless Matteus collected coke bottles from lamers and then bought a sack of beer. Organizers were tired of doing anything when seeing that Exotic Men were vividly drinking booze for a third day in row. A work of art made by Matteus to a school's wall caused an angry phone call from organizers after the party had ended. They thought it was eD who had done it.

Fourth Assembly party were also held in the Summer of 1995. Only Death and eD from Exotic Men arrived. On Thursday morning Death collided with somebody's Saab while driving eD's car. At the party Exotic Men got banned in an hour, since Pehu spotted hoppy gentlemen without any sort of wristbands. Exotic Men did not participate in the semi-finals of drinking contests held during the Boozembly on Friday because Death had already passed out at that point. Policemen stopped Exotic Men while they were going to a soccer compo, probably because they were carrying a drinking spot towards a soccer field. Irritation started to grow since eD and Death were not allowed to go inside even just for shitting. Death succeed to sneak in anyway and he peed on lamers from main hall's high platform.

In the autumn of 1995 Matteus, eD and a fellow chap Janne arrived from Joensuu to Scenario party held in Lahti. E-men were low on booze but a middle sized chunk of grass helped a lot. After a moment also Death, Judge and an ex-member Devil arrived to the place. They had even two productions to release. Honestly speaking, their quality was typical exotic shit. Security guys' attitude towards boozing was surprisingly lenient, though several times they drove away a drunken boy choir who sang "Scoopex, they're wanking, they're holling" in staff's area.

Matteus almost got in the trouble after he stepped on a computer desk of some big guy and started to spread his ass. Shit pranks were taken to higher dimensions when Death produced a beautiful turd which was then collectively hidden into a sleeping bag of an unsuspecting lamer. Matteus made his own version of shit prank by hiding some used toilet paper in a randomly chosen briefcase. Somebody must have been delighted while unpacking his stuff at home. Akiro/Scoopex donated some explosive arsenal for Exotic Men so that demo compo would be more exciting. So, there was an explosion during a PC demo compo, thanks to Death and Judge. Compo was halted immediately and it was firmly demanded that a culprit must be revealed. Because the perpetrator seemed not to appear, Matteus signed up as a "volunteer", thinking that Exotic Men didn't have a part in what had happened, since he had been drinking outside with several other E-men when the bomb had been handed over. Because Matteus was so serious at least about his own innocence, organizers decided not to be so angry, even though the explosion could have started an extinguishing system which could have watered computers worth of a few marks. On the intro compo Exotic Men finished last, which in this time however, was the third place. Thus they won a box of chocolate pudding. Success might have been greater if a part of overdrunk E-men and their nerd fans would have not filled voting tags on which solely Exotic Men was given votes. This was the only party to which Exotic Men were for some odd reason welcomed to come yet another time.

Members through the ages

When Exotic Men was established during some ancient times, members were just Devil and some local guys. After eD joined to the group a bit later, also other members started to emerge. In the beginning the idea was to start the world's best demo group or something like that. Members were coming and going and Exotic Men were offered to fuse themselves with some other groups but heads were kept cold and such offers were turned down. After eD noticed that it would take too much effort to start a good demo group and that having fun might actually be the main purpose, the idea about the world domination was buried and new members were now selected in a more careful fashion. Death joined maybe during the year 1991, Delsion at the Gathering 1991, Coltrain in 1992, Hammer and Buke in the Assembly '93. Matteus caused a required amount of fuss in 1994 at Black Jack party and Assembly to be accepted to the group. Coltrain's family got a new member in the summer 1995 and we might call Colt's daughter, Ira, as a member too. In the autumn 1995 we heard sad news when it was reported that Hammer had bitten the dust, probably by his own hand. Peace to his soul and hopefully there is lots of booze in hell.

What Exotic Men is doing these days?

It can be probably taken as granted that guys writing this text cannot be very intelligent. In a civil life they must have been severely alcoholic social waster junkies... As a matter of fact, Coltrain is a family man and enjoys a peaceful life in Seinšjoki. Matteus, Death and eD have white caps and at least average level grades. At the moment Death studies electrical engineering at the Tampere University of Technology, eD studies computer science and maths at the University of Joensuu and Matteus is to be graduated as a visual artist from the college level program of the artisan and handicraft school of Joensuu. Delsion is a worker at Housemarque.

But what happens from now on? After the scene has gone downwards already for years, the motivation towards it has rapidly declined. Especially because of Amiga scene has become negligible after PC ate it and also because of just getting bored on tinkering with computers, there may be a dramatic drop in the number of Exotic Men productions. But you can still be sure that whenever you notice a totally pissed hell-raiser gang freaking around at any party in the future, it will be easy to name what's the group in question. This Drinking Will Never Stop.

Last edited by rodland; 31 May 2016 at 22:01. Reason: typos
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Old 30 May 2016, 08:21   #2
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Edi and Matteus were present at Simulaatio 7 two weeks ago, still in good health, albeit a little bit calmer than in their youth.

Edi won Oldskool GFX and Textmode GFX, Matteus came third in short wild.

A good time was had by all. :-)
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