A personal horrible news

[HOL2001]

OMG, just noticed that thread by now.
What a nightmare! I feel so sorry for you.
I wish you all the best for the future!

[dlfrsilver]

thank you for your support !

[LuMan]

Just read this thread and am totally shocked and stunned. My most heartfelt thoughts and positive energies are with you and your family. I hope that the road to the end of this ordeal is not too long and you can all start to live carefree lives again soon.

My mother (who has the virtues of a nun!) once gave me some advice when I was going through a horrible time: "There will be sh*t. Plenty of sh*t. But don't fight it. Just ride through all the sh*t a day at a time and soon it will all be behind you."

I don't know if I was more shocked about the advice or her language! Anyway, it worked for me and I hope it will be of some use for you and your family too.

Sending a BIG hug from the UK - LuMan

[dlfrsilver]

Thanks LuMan, this mess will last 2 or 3 years, it's a quite long process

[LuMan]

I can certainly imagine it to be a long and tiring process (both emotionally and physically), but, remember - it is good to have some sort of sanctuary. A place where you can give yourself some space and time and concentrate on other things. Judging by the responses of other forum members this could be just the place. If so, your friends are here

I hope you find the smoothest journey back to normality and find time and reason to smile very soon.

LuMan

[spiritdave]

Oh my .... I'm glad you are safe but what a terrible situation.

I feel for you and your family

[Rob 1]

Welcome to the EAB mate!!

[spiritdave]

Yeah I realise how that sounded ... I have experience in my family with mental illnesses that can change a person's judgement and it was not right for me to say what I said ... I certainly didn't mean any harm and I am very sorry to the OP for that. I wish his family a speedy recovery emotionally and financially.

[Rob 1]

It's fine mate, It's difficult to express what you want to say just with text isn't it, especially when one of our "brothers" is having such a tough time of it.

Metal illness is very common place , people find it difficult to talk about it which is understandable I suppose...

[Rob 1]

Originally Posted by dlfrsilver

Thanks LuMan, this mess will last 2 or 3 years, it's a quite long process

dlfrsilver, How are things mate?

[dlfrsilver]

well, i'm going to see psychologist, because i have troubles to get through what happened :S ; materially speaking, things are going at a slow pace.

[StingRay]

Originally Posted by dlfrsilver

well, i'm going to see psychologist, because i have troubles to get through what happened :S

This is quite understandable and nothing to be ashamed of! Go and seek help if you need it, there's nothing wrong with that! All the best!

[Rob 1]

Originally Posted by StingRay

This is quite understandable and nothing to be ashamed of! Go and seek help if you need it, there's nothing wrong with that! All the best!

I agree with StingRay, you have a lot of issues and trauma to deal with. The worst thing you could do is bottle it up, pour your heart out mate!!

Big respect to you for seeking help

[Rob 1]

Originally Posted by dlfrsilver

well, i'm going to see psychologist, because i have troubles to get through what happened :S ; materially speaking, things are going at a slow pace.

Hi mate, how is it going? Is the psychologist helping you?

[dlfrsilver]

hi ! Well i have up and down, thanks for asking news about it the psychologist helps me, thanks to her, but alas, i'm alone here. My family is against me and the way i think (stockholm syndrome).
My relations with my mother and bros/sister is very 'hot', and very painful. that's another problem for me to deal with.

[Rob 1]

Originally Posted by dlfrsilver

hi ! Well i have up and down, thanks for asking news about it the psychologist helps me, thanks to her, but alas, i'm alone here. My family is against me and the way i think (stockholm syndrome).
My relations with my mother and bros/sister is very 'hot', and very painful. that's another problem for me to deal with.

I'm sorry mate, I'm sure they don't want to alienate you, but they do seem to be.

Do you think you can be round them and discuss none contentious issues, even if it's what you're all thinking about?

So we don't get told off for not discussing Amiga things,, have you managed to salvage any more of your vast collection?

[dlfrsilver]

i can discuss, but each time things are going toward my father, things gets hot, and turns in severe quarrels.

And i can't salvage anything since the insurance has not even said yes for clearing the rubble. etc, etc.

[Rob 1]

Originally Posted by dlfrsilver

i can discuss, but each time things are going toward my father, things gets hot, and turns in severe quarrels.

And i can't salvage anything since the insurance has not even said yes for clearing the rubble. etc, etc.

I think you'll have to try to agree to disagree about the situation. (very easy for me to say I know )

What is the difference of opinion between you and your family, are you more supportive of your Dad's problem and they can't forgive him or is it vice versa?

Err Amiga related question???

Which game do you like to play to vent your frustrations?

Is your collection covered in the insurance or does it have a maximum value as it wasn't listed with them?

[dlfrsilver]

for instance, my opinion is that my father had the choice. bipolarity can have severe issues if the patient is not taking exactly his medics AS specified by his doctor.

You can't deal this illness if you drink. when his doctor told my father to stop drink and then be treated he said NO ! i won't stop drinking.

Fact is bipolar medics are incompatible with alcohol (you'll get very serious health problem), so my dad has finally 'played' with his medics, the result is know : he went in a delirious state, leading to paranoia, aggressiveness and illness deny. His behaviour then went out of the way.

Morality of this story, i can't forgive him, because he had solutions. he had the choice between the illness, and a normal life by taking his pills.

He choosed the illness. The result is a house destroyed, i have lost 40000 euros+, and now the family mood is bad between each members.

My mother is always saying that material is nothing. Fact is you can't find 40000 bucks in a horse step. and i'm mostly sure i won't get them back.

They are all in emotion (stockholm syndrom), while i'm not. To get the best view on all this, i have made researches on what bipolarity is, how it works, and so on.

Bipolarity is an organic illness, which if not treated by medics can lead the subject to suffer from mental illnesses like paranoia, agressiveness, and the 3 cases are : they can kill (paranoia), they can sexual assault (inability to control pulsions), and they can be pyromaniacs. My father is in the 3rd category.

Fact is also that doctors and medecine know that the illness has an organic root. but they don't know how and where, and the causes which lead to it. The only answer are medics, and only medics.

so my family says 'but it's your father' and i answer he is, but what he did was a criminal act. He has allowed his illness to let him do what he did.

it's like someone who knows he has 'aids', and contaminates someone and finally says 'yes i know i have aids' and the contaminated person ask then 'why did you do that to me?" and that the guy with aids answers 'i was ill, but i desesperately wanted to fuck, sorry......'



I like to play ambermoon actually

my collection was not covered, since it would had cost me an arm to insurance all these.

[Rob 1]

Originally Posted by dlfrsilver

for instance, my opinion is that my father had the choice. bipolarity can have severe issues if the patient is not taking exactly his medics AS specified by his doctor.

You can't deal this illness if you drink. when his doctor told my father to stop drink and then be treated he said NO ! i won't stop drinking.

Fact is bipolar medics are incompatible with alcohol (you'll get very serious health problem), so my dad has finally 'played' with his medics, the result is know : he went in a delirious state, leading to paranoia, aggressiveness and illness deny. His behaviour then went out of the way.

Very bad self destructive tendencies, which you or any one else are powerless to do anything about.

Originally Posted by dlfrsilver

Morality of this story, i can't forgive him, because he had solutions. he had the choice between the illness, and a normal life by taking his pills.

You shouldn't ever have to forgive him if you don't want to, he's taken more than just material possessions, he's taken a part of who you are and changed your perception of him forever.

Originally Posted by dlfrsilver

He choosed the illness. The result is a house destroyed, i have lost 40000 euros+, and now the family mood is bad between each members.

How much your father was in control of his drinking and medication at the time this happened we just don't know, but it was his choice to allow it to spiral in the first place to get to that extreme.

Originally Posted by dlfrsilver

My mother is always saying that material is nothing. Fact is you can't find 40000 bucks in a horse step. and i'm mostly sure i won't get them back.

Material possessions aren't nothing, they are time, effort and hard work to achieve.

They are less than a human life I agree, but they aren't nothing (it's not black and white but 50 shades of grey) and can't be ignored, plus that was your family home not just a empty house.

In a horse step? that's a new one for me???

Originally Posted by dlfrsilver

They are all in emotion (stockholm syndrom), while i'm not.

" oh bless him he knows not what he does "

hmm maybe not at that time, but before that debatable.

Originally Posted by dlfrsilver

To get the best view on all this, i have made researches on what bipolarity is, how it works, and so on.

Bipolarity is an organic illness, which if not treated by medics can lead the subject to suffer from mental illnesses like paranoia, agressiveness, and the 3 cases are : they can kill (paranoia), they can sexual assault (inability to control pulsions), and they can be pyromaniacs. My father is in the 3rd category.

Well if you had a choice you got the better of the 3....

Originally Posted by dlfrsilver

Fact is also that doctors and medecine know that the illness has an organic root. but they don't know how and where, and the causes which lead to it. The only answer are medics, and only medics.

so my family says 'but it's your father' and i answer he is, but what he did was a criminal act. He has allowed his illness to let him do what he did.

He wasn't your father that day but your father allowed that monster to manifest himself.

What if he had of killed or raped someone would they still be saying 'but it's your father' then? It seems their line in the sand is further away than yours but believe me they will have a line too.

Originally Posted by dlfrsilver

it's like someone who knows he has 'aids', and contaminates someone and finally says 'yes i know i have aids' and the contaminated person ask then 'why did you do that to me?" and that the guy with aids answers 'i was ill, but i desesperately wanted to fuck, sorry......'

What a beautiful metaphor

but you are right your father has wronged you and you for now (and maybe forever) will not forgive him. You want to wash your hands of him, which I think you are entirly with in your rights to do.

Never say never, one day your dad may totally redeem himself to you and prove he is worthy of being your father, but for now I think you are totally with in your rights to have a type of divorce from him.

I'd suggest if the rest of your family want to feel sorry for your Dad and want to forgive him, let them. That's their choice you can't change it for them. If you want to wash your hands of him and end your relationship with him, do it. They should respect your choice too. This shouldn't come between you and them and you should be able to carry on your relationship with them agreeing to disagree.

You and your father are both adults you’re not dependent on each other, I'd just say to your folks I no longer want anything to do with him. If you want to support, visit, love and deal with him that's your choice and I respect that, but you must respect my decision to "divorce" him for what he has done to me both materialistically and emotionally.

I can understand why you'd want to do that I often thought about "getting out" of the situation with my mother but she did take the medicine and didn't drink, but they were far from a miracle cure and she still had some very bad patches. The drugs seem to knock her about too which probably aided in her premature death, but if she hadn't have taken them she wouldn't have had much of a life.

Luckily my mother never took anything to the extreme your father did (she did do some fucked up thing though) so I can’t comment on if I’d do the same, but I can sympathise with your position totally.

Originally Posted by dlfrsilver

I like to play ambermoon actually

I'm a Super Cars 2 man at the moment

Originally Posted by dlfrsilver

my collection was not covered, since it would had cost me an arm to insurance all these.

I think it will be covered under his house and contents insurance he'd have to had for any remaining mortgage he might have, the problem will be proving its worth.

Write a list of your contents in the house and find out how much a like for like item would cost you on E-bay or anywhere (keep the evidence) and send this to the insurance stating you're making a claim for it's value.

so long as individual items aren't over a certain $1000 amount they should be covered even if you have to fight them for it.


Wow that's a long message