![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#1 |
Registered User
![]() Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Perth West Australia
Posts: 16
|
Jokes
How about a jokes thread!?
I will start cautiously. A dumb blond is driving down the freeway when she sees a sign saying "clean restrooms next 5 miles" By the time she had driven 5 miles she had cleaned 120 restrooms. |
![]() |
![]() |
#2 |
Global Moderator
![]() Join Date: May 2001
Location: Derby, UK
Age: 41
Posts: 2,187
|
Ok, but be warned jokes that are about something that "ism" or "phobia" can be added to will lead to a 2 week vacation from the forum.
|
![]() |
![]() |
#3 |
Maj. Voodoo
![]() Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Raking Woods...
Age: 47
Posts: 2,849
|
Are jokes about moderators permitted?
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#4 |
Global Moderator
![]() Join Date: May 2001
Location: Derby, UK
Age: 41
Posts: 2,187
|
Yeah, eg how many moderators to ban Anubis.
3, 2 to laugh and 1 to click the button ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#5 |
Maj. Voodoo
![]() Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Raking Woods...
Age: 47
Posts: 2,849
|
How do you call moderator with half brain?
Gifted. ![]() Last edited by Anubis; 16 September 2019 at 20:20. |
![]() |
![]() |
#6 |
Speedbump gimme goosebump
|
Fictional transcript of a U.S. naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.
This radio conversation was rumored to have been released by the Chief of naval operations on 10-10-95, but it never happened. Americans: “Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.” Canadians: “Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.” Americans: “This is the captain of a U.S. navy ship. i say again, divert your course.” Canadians: “No, i say again, you divert your course.” Americans: “This is the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States’ Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north. That’s one-five degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.” Canadians: “This is a lighthouse. Your call.” |
![]() |
![]() |
#7 | |
Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: PDX
Age: 57
Posts: 2,372
|
Quote:
Well obviously, the Canadian Lighthouse will need to alter it's course ![]() |
|
![]() |
![]() |
#8 |
Global Moderator
![]() Join Date: May 2001
Location: Derby, UK
Age: 41
Posts: 2,187
|
[ Show youtube player ]
|
![]() |
![]() |
#9 |
Maj. Voodoo
![]() Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Raking Woods...
Age: 47
Posts: 2,849
|
Last edited by Anubis; 16 September 2019 at 22:48. |
![]() |
![]() |
#10 |
Amigaholic
![]() Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 3,061
|
Brexit! Biggest fucking joke of all!
|
![]() |
![]() |
#11 |
Ex nihilo nihil
![]() Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: CH
Posts: 2,349
|
Do you know why jokes about blondes are always short?
So that the brunettes can remember it ! ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#12 |
Registered User
![]() Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Novi Sad, Serbia
Posts: 531
|
I saw once graffiti:
Nietzsche: - "God is dead" "Nietzsche is dead" - God |
![]() |
![]() |
#13 |
Ex nihilo nihil
![]() Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: CH
Posts: 2,349
|
BitD I have heard this joke in a TV program. It was Coluche who recounted this one (with a Canadian accent, please):
It is the Little Red Riding Hood from Canada who walks on the ice floe. Suddenly, she sees a hole. And in the hole, she sees a wolf. So to help the wolf, she takes him by the tail and she pulls... she pulls... she pulls... she pulls... And when the wolf comes out of the hole, all of a sudden he turns into Prince Charming. Little Red Riding Hood, she doesn't know what to say... And the prince, looking at her with a smile, said to her, "You may release me now..." ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#14 |
Speedbump gimme goosebump
|
I have read quite a few novels / short stories from the late C. Bukowski, that was a long time ago. Nevertheless, I remember fondly the one in which he introduces his readers with the twelve winged monkeys (not suitable for children), so whacky
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#15 |
Registered User
![]() Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Novi Sad, Serbia
Posts: 531
|
This is not a joke, but somewhat, a burnout.
I always liked Blackadder, and one of my favorite sentence he said is: Baldrick: Good morning Blackadder Blackadder: Leave me alone Baldrick, if I wanted to speak with vegetables, I would bought it on a market. Last edited by d4rk3lf; 17 September 2019 at 02:17. |
![]() |
![]() |
#16 | |
Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: PDX
Age: 57
Posts: 2,372
|
Quote:
![]() |
|
![]() |
![]() |
#17 |
Maj. Voodoo
![]() Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Raking Woods...
Age: 47
Posts: 2,849
|
A man noticed his wife wasn't quite the same as she used to be. So he takes her to the doctor. The doctor does a bunch of tests. He calls the man into the office. He says, "Well, I've narrowed it down to two things. It's either Aids or Alzheimers." The man says, "Oh, My God!!!! What am I going to do? How do I know which one she has?" "Well," says the doctor, "I suggest this: on your way home stop about two blocks from home and drop her off. If she makes it home, don't f*$^ her!!
|
![]() |
![]() |
#18 | |
Speedbump gimme goosebump
|
Quote:
![]() showcases some vague ideas about peace on earth, philosophical universalist views, and bears some mild language) ? Last edited by SquawkBox; 17 September 2019 at 17:06. |
|
![]() |
![]() |
#19 |
Maj. Voodoo
![]() Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Raking Woods...
Age: 47
Posts: 2,849
|
Is moderator-ism a thing?
![]() [ Show youtube player ] |
![]() |
![]() |
#20 |
Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: PDX
Age: 57
Posts: 2,372
|
|
![]() |
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
Thread Tools | |
![]() |
||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Jokes adf found!!! | Big-Byte | request.Old Rare Games | 1 | 28 October 2001 12:05 |
|
|