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Old 18 September 2019, 13:22   #21
Anubis
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Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"

Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
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Old 18 September 2019, 13:30   #22
SquawkBox
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Broccoli : Hey, I look like a tree!
Mushroom : Wow, I look just like an umbrella!
Walnut : I look exactly like a brain.
Banana : Man, can we change the topic please?
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Old 18 September 2019, 13:50   #23
Anubis
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What is the worst combination of illnesses?

Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.
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Old 18 September 2019, 14:01   #24
PussEKatt
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A dumb blond steps out onto the street.right in front of a car...and gets knocked over.The driver rushes over and he is holding the blond and he says.
Im sorry. you stepped out right in front of me,I didnt have a chance to stop
Blond: My eyes,my eyes,I cant see
Driver: holds up 2 fingers in front of her face and says "how many fingers have I got up"
Blond: Oh no. Im paralised from the waist down as well
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Old 18 September 2019, 17:14   #25
SquawkBox
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While walking down the street and checking out all the stores along the way, a man notices one that seems unusual.
The sign above reads "Tchang's Double Flavored Apples" Curious, the man walks inside to check it out.
He walks up to the storekeeper behind the counter and begins to ask him about his products.
"I've never heard of double flavored apples, how can there be such a thing?" he asks.
The storekeeper replies, "They are exactly as advertised, good sir. My specialty! Think of any combination of flavors, and we have an apple for it!"
Still skeptical, the man asks for a sample. "I must try one before I can believe you" he says.
The storekeeper is happy to oblige, and hands him a carefully selected apple from behind the counter. The man takes a bite.
"Peaches!" he exclaims. "I definitely didn't expect that."
The storekeeper then smiles and says "That's only half of it. Now flip it over, and please take another bite."
So the man flips it over, does what he's told to, and his eyes widen. "Tastes like cream! Peaches and cream! This is brilliant! Are you telling me that every apple in this store is flavored like this ?"
The storekeeper hands the man another apple and tells him to take another bite.
"Strawberries!" The man is now speechless.
The storekeeper says "Now flip it over."
"Chocolate! Chocolate covered strawberries! This is the most amazing thing ever!"
The storekeeper says "We have all kinds of flavors here. Anything you want, we've got it!"
Still baffled and a little unsure, the man asks "Any flavor I want ? Are you certain about this ?"
The storekeeper confidently replies "Yes sir! Anything you can think of, we've got it!"
"Anything ?"
"Yes! Just try me."
The man then thinks hard for a moment, and comes up with something. He says
"Well, there's one thing I haven't tasted in a very long time. I would really like to taste some good pussy again. If you can get me
one that tastes like some really good pussy, I'll finally believe you."
The storekeeper replies "Ah, sir, you're in luck! I have just the thing for you! Wait here." Then, he goes into the back room.
Minutes later, he comes out with a perfectly shaped, shiny red apple. "Here," he says excitedly, "try this!"
Equally delighted, the man grasps the apple, and takes a large bite. He chews it slowly for a moment, but his face quickly turns sour
and he spits the apple chunk out in disgust.
"Shit! This one tastes of shit! What the hell is this you gave me ?"
The storekeeper then says, "Ah, now flip it over..."

Last edited by SquawkBox; 18 September 2019 at 21:04.
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Old 22 September 2019, 22:26   #26
DDNI
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Why do Northern European warships have barcodes on their hulls?

To Scan-di-navian.
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Old 23 September 2019, 01:44   #27
Hewitson
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Whats the difference between a computer and a woman?

A computer will accept a 3.5" floppy.
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Old 25 September 2019, 13:19   #28
gimbal
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anubis View Post
What is the worst combination of illnesses?

Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.
Wrong thread, that's a true nightmare
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Old 25 September 2019, 16:00   #29
PussEKatt
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<editied by DamienD>

This could be offensive to some people...

In fact there are quite a few boarderline jokes in this thread guys i.e. post #21, which I'll probably also edit out or delete shortly.

Last edited by DamienD; 25 September 2019 at 17:55.
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Old 25 September 2019, 16:37   #30
SquawkBox
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Cool, but it's SquawkBox, with a w. W's come in handy whenever someone says to you "watch out for the wascally wabbit, Kat!" (tm looney tunes ).
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Old 25 September 2019, 21:34   #31
DamienD
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After discussion with other GMs; this thread was really opening a can of worms... just because it's in the OT section doesn't mean that the jokes can be sexist / lewd / homophobic etc. and were bound to cause offense to some of our members.

d4rk3lf's post #21 has now been removed and thread closed.
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